9th March 2018

1. You were always the first person who had to leave when everyone was hanging out.

2. Asking permission for a sleepover at your friend’s house took 37 hours of mental preparation, a detailed powerpoint presentation of your friend’s family tree, and a signed contract in your blood saying you wouldn’t drink and would be in bed by 10pm.

3. Whenever your friends would make plans for later that night, you knew your parents would say no because it literally took them 2-3 business days to process whether they would allow you to go out.

4. You would practice asking your parents for permission to do something in the mirror and preemptively come up with answers to questions you knew they’d ask

5. You also always had to wait until they were in a good mood before asking for anything.

6. You sometimes whipped out the wounded puppy look and would sigh and say “never mind… you’re going to say no anyway” to garner sympathy from your parents before asking for a really big favor.

7. You would ask your parents once, and only once, if you could hang out at someone’s house. You never understood why your friends would think that “asking them again” would make any difference.

8. You always had to choose between going out on either Friday or Saturday night because there’s no way your parents were going to agree to both.

9. You understand THE PURE, UNADULTERATED PANIC that channels through your veins when your idiot friends change the plans 10 times and you have to keep reexplaining to your parents what you’re doing.

10. You white-lied constantly to your parents. Not that you want to, but you do not have a choice.

11. You never cursed until you got to college.

12. You never had “The Talk” with your parents. They probably left a book on your bed about your ~changing body~ and let you figure it out.

13. Family dinner conversations revolved around your academics and class schedule— never about your social or love life. As far as your parents were concerned, you didn’t have either.

14. To this day, you still can’t get dressed without wondering what your parents would think about what you’re wearing. Middle and high school were a 7 year war over whether that skirt was too short or if the words on your Abercrombie shirt were too suggestive.

15. Getting one piercing in your ears was the extent of what you could do to your body. If you even thought about dying your hair an unconventional color, getting a tattoo, or even getting a second piercing, hell would freeze over.

16. Manners were everything. You got the “I don’t want people to think you were raised by wolves” speech almost as often as the “is your napkin not on your lap at the dinner table? Do you do this at other people’s houses? I can’t let you out in public if you don’t put your napkin on your lap” lecture.

17. You’ve spent years dreaming of rebellion in the form of making spontaneous plans or wearing flip flops to the airport.

18. You’re careful telling jokes to your parents because their response toes the line between laughing along to immediately going off on a 45 minute rant and probably sending you to your room afterwards.

19. If you miss one phone call, your parents suddenly assume you’re smoking “that marijuana” with “that one friend of yours” they KNEW was going to be a bad influence.