Anyway, I took days to think through things properly and have decided to pen this down today since I may not ever have the chance to have a heart to heart talk and share my honest thoughts. You might not ever wanna share with me anything about your past life 😟. At least it makes me feel a little better to just pen it down no matter whether he will ever have the chance to see this post.

Nobody I could share this with. I usually share my problems with some of my close girl friends and you, because all of them were pretty good listeners, not so judgy, I feel comfortable talking and I trusted them. But for this first time, I just couldn't, not to a person especially when the person is the issue. I can't even share my problem with any of my girlfriends even my bff because the topic is too sensitive and it is also to protect individual privacy sake. It isn't easy to share with anyone because not anyone can look at things the same way. Therefore I have no choice but to rant it in my blog for it's suffocating to bottle it up and pretend to be ok.

I totally understand and would never blame you for why you didn't wanna open up to me because it is just so not easy after I managed to piece up the puzzle. It's nerve wracking, takes courage and I understand the fear of people leaving you. A lot of people in this world judges even before trying to understand. But that's ok. This is your life, not everyone needs to understand it. Even for me, I stopped explaining myself so much when I realized people only understand from their level of perception.

You were maybe right. Life is kinda complicated, I have to take back my word on what I said about "life is never too complicated and humans were the only one who made it so complicated."
Well I guess, perhaps it's only to a certain extend.

I wanna say sorry.
Sorry if my words ever accidentally hurt your feelings in some ways which I may not realize.

I shouldn't pressurize you to share things if you weren't uncomfortable with. I'm not usually like this but perhaps I'm like this for once because I valued him yet due to the trust issues I had in the past that I'm afraid you might just be another terrible someone that is hiding things.

I thought I would never trust anyone again but when we crossed paths and after being around and trying to understanding this friend better, I decided to start gaining trust again thinking that my 6th sense tells me that you are a decent nice person, so maybe there's someone I could actually trust again after all.
That's why when you started acting all weird and mysterious about yourself, I was confused. My fear started to creep in thinking that maybe I was wrong after all, I don't know what is it you were hiding from me, I'm afraid I will have the same nightmare all over again like 4 years ago, therefore I kept trying to ask him what is it that you wouldn't wanna share, because I believe no matter a true friendship or relationship, sharing and communication is very important key to keep things going, so I got kinda upset that what was it that I couldn't gain your trust in. I didn't wanna let myself thinking about it day and night and affect my career performance so therefore I was hoping you could share your problems with me so that I can be of ease and not worry so much. But I was wrong, I shouldn't have done that, I should still trust him for who he is. I'm sorry.

Nobody is perfect. We are all broken individuals. The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. You are who you are now, not the past. To me, that will never ever changed one bit I hope you knows one day. Everything happens for a reason. We don’t meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our paths for a reason, for a purpose. Some will test you, some will use you, some will love you, some will teach you. The ones who are truly important to you are the ones who brings out the best in you, respect you and accept you for who you are. You, are definitely important to me. It kills me a little to think that one day you might even leave. But again, even if you weren't meant to stay, I'm still happy and blessed that the universe allowed your soul to stop by.

The past is the past. What matters is the present and the future. This might sound socheesy but I have to say no matter what happens, even if the storm makes the whole city turned upside down, even if the whole world is kidnapped by loneliness, or whether the sky is gonna fall apart one day, I wouldn't leave you alone to face it, even if just for sake as a friend.

For now, all I wished for you is to be happy.
Why did you assumed that I will leave and back off like other people upon knowing the situation? 😢 I'm never that kind of person.

To you: Everything will be ok. Even if it's not now, it will eventually be ok.
You have always been there for me through my darkest days, I hope you allows me to be there for you too, through storm or shine.