life

一个人生活

12:32 AM

7th November 2018

"Have you established your career, gotten a reliable partner, built a home? Time is running out."

Career? - no
Partner? - no
Built a home? - no
Time is running out- yes.

Hopeless case at this age. Lol
成家立业，已经不在字典里。。

Self thought: Lessen the friction.

3:26 AM

25th September 2018
Some couples have never learned how to make decisions together. So they make decisions independently and try to force their decision on the partner. This will never create a healthy relationship. We all have personal thoughts, feelings, and desires. Sometimes these clash with those of our spouse, significant other, family or friend. Welcome to the human race.
There is nothing wrong with disagreements. However, we must learn to listen to each other in order to understand the other person's thoughts, feelings, and desires. Once we understand each other, then we can look for a solution. Compromise is not a negative word. A compromise is "a settlement by consent reached by mutual concession."
That is healthy decision making . . . in any relationship, kinship or friendship.

life

When You’re A Happy Person Who Secretly Struggles

8:14 PM

11th Aug 2018

Why Strong People Feel Broken Inside

You smile a lot. People meet you for the first time and also many friends often mention the same thing. Your energy is infectious, you crack the lamest jokes and full of joy having you around. You’re silly and a little loud; every photo you’re seen laughing or grinning.

Because when you’re the happy person, when you’re the smiley social butterfly, no one expects you to be hurting inside.

No one assumes there are things that go beyond the exterior. No one thinks there’s pain past the friendly outside.
When people see you as a happy person, it’s difficult to want to open up. You don’t fit into their narrow expectation, you don't want them to worry, you don't want them to see you cry, to see that vulnerable side on you. It feels like you have to struggle in silence. Would you be disappointing them if they knew the truth? Would they look at you differently?

So, you don’t say anything. You go out. You text friends back happily. You show up to brunch and laugh with all your friends.You continue being the happy, smiley, giggly person everyone knows.
To the outside world, you look so happy, so cheerful. You're always looking so happy on the surface. But when you're back home behind closed doors, you hit back to reality with the four cold walls surrounding you, that empty house, that quiet night sky after lights out, you lie down thinking a lot about life and perhaps secretly teared when nobody is looking.

You never let anyone catch you when you're vulnerable.

When you have the urge to cry, you pushes the tears away until you have a chance to escape to the bathroom to let the water flow. When you're upset, you’ll make up an excuse to cancel your plans, so no one realizes that you're acting off. And when you have a mental breakdown, you don't text your friends about it or post a Facebook status. You just suffer in silence.

You didn't really see the point in sharing your problems, your sadness, your worries or your misery. Your friends consider you the funny one. The bubbly one. The problem solver. The Ms Agony (on teenage magazine). They come to you with their issues. They expect you to know what to do. They expect you to always have your shit together.
So you nod and offer consolation when they complain about their near-perfect lives, even though you want to scream that they don’t know what real problems are. That you’s dealing with something a million times worse.
But you didn’t let yourselves explode. You listen. You understand. You try to be a good friend.

Depression looks different on everyone.

Be it a minor depression or a severe one, it’s not a one-size-fits-all. And just because you can’t see it on someone, just because you can’t tell they’re struggling, doesn’t mean they aren’t affected. I mentioned to some friends before that I think at certain point in everyone's life, everyone are bound to encounter depression,  just depending on how severe it is and how you managed it, you might even not notice it because it is not that serious.

Emotions sits in the background, like an uninvited guest.

No one else can see it. But still, you know it’s there, even if you’re all smiles. Only close friends, will get to see that shattered side of you, you shared your bits and piece of life stories with them because you trusted them, they don't judge you and they could lend a good listening ear. Even if they don't exactly understands everything, even if they can't be of much help, and that's pretty much okay.

life

11:00 PM

4th July 2018

 Happy 30th Birthday to myself.
All I wished for every year, is for everything to get better.

This year Independence day was still ok, this year's fireworks was better than last year's, I had a nice home dinner and booze, thanks Jim and Andrea for the invite.

I don't usually have the habit to celebrate my birthdays. I thought maybe I should do so since it's the big 3? But again, I am so far away from my family and friends, 今年又平静的一个人在海外度过了人生三十大关。

life

龟兔赛跑

9:30 AM

14th June 2018

赛跑时跑得比别人慢不要气馁，自愧弗如；最后的胜利者，不一定是那位当初排名最后进度最慢的那个。一步一步来坚持不懈，也有超过强者的可能。即使最后没超越任何人也没关系，自己努力地跑到了终点已经是赢家。:)

life

12:30 AM

15th May 2018

Happy 29th Birthday to the annoying you.

Wishing you a life full of happiness. ☺

life

Things Only People Who Were Raised By Really Strict Parents Understand 😖

10:30 PM

9th March 2018

 1. You were always the first person who had to leave when everyone was hanging out.

2. Asking permission for a sleepover at your friend’s house took 37 hours of mental preparation, a detailed powerpoint presentation of your friend’s family tree, and a signed contract in your blood saying you wouldn’t drink and would be in bed by 10pm.

3. Whenever your friends would make plans for later that night, you knew your parents would say no because it literally took them 2-3 business days to process whether they would allow you to go out.

4. You would practice asking your parents for permission to do something in the mirror and preemptively come up with answers to questions you knew they’d ask

5. You also always had to wait until they were in a good mood before asking for anything.

6. You sometimes whipped out the wounded puppy look and would sigh and say “never mind… you’re going to say no anyway” to garner sympathy from your parents before asking for a really big favor.

7. You would ask your parents once, and only once, if you could hang out at someone’s house. You never understood why your friends would think that “asking them again” would make any difference.

8. You always had to choose between going out on either Friday or Saturday night because there’s no way your parents were going to agree to both.

9. You understand THE PURE, UNADULTERATED PANIC that channels through your veins when your idiot friends change the plans 10 times and you have to keep reexplaining to your parents what you’re doing.

10. You white-lied constantly to your parents. Not that you want to, but you do not have a choice.

11. You never cursed until you got to college.

12. You never had “The Talk” with your parents. They probably left a book on your bed about your ~changing body~ and let you figure it out.

13. Family dinner conversations revolved around your academics and class schedule— never about your social or love life. As far as your parents were concerned, you didn’t have either.

14. To this day, you still can’t get dressed without wondering what your parents would think about what you’re wearing. Middle and high school were a 7 year war over whether that skirt was too short or if the words on your Abercrombie shirt were too suggestive.

15. Getting one piercing in your ears was the extent of what you could do to your body. If you even thought about dying your hair an unconventional color, getting a tattoo, or even getting a second piercing, hell would freeze over.

16. Manners were everything. You got the “I don’t want people to think you were raised by wolves” speech almost as often as the “is your napkin not on your lap at the dinner table? Do you do this at other people’s houses? I can’t let you out in public if you don’t put your napkin on your lap” lecture.

17. You’ve spent years dreaming of rebellion in the form of making spontaneous plans or wearing flip flops to the airport.

18. You’re careful telling jokes to your parents because their response toes the line between laughing along to immediately going off on a 45 minute rant and probably sending you to your room afterwards.

19. If you miss one phone call, your parents suddenly assume you’re smoking “that marijuana” with “that one friend of yours” they KNEW was going to be a bad influence.


Everglow

3:38 AM

22 Jan 2018

Lovin' Coldplay's every song. They are beautiful, gives inspiration and motivation in life.

Been looping Everglow recently. This song will rip you naked of all the masks behind which you hide your emotions, it will force you to think of the people you love, the people you loved, the people who love you, the people who loved you, the people who came into your life for a reason, people who didn't last longer than a breath and yet were the ones who saved you while you were drowning.

The modern world teaches us to be independent, to live alone, to handle everything alone and it teaches you that you are always alone. But no, that's not it. The truth is you are never alone. Just like you breath different air wherever you go, you bring forth and push out different people wherever you go. You weren't meant to be alone, no and until and unless you let people see your demons, fondle your scars and touch your wounds, how can you experience their healing power? How can you expect sunlight to be flooding into an air tight room if you aren't even ready to unlatch the window? How can you know how strong you can be unless you go weak? How can you know how much you can be loved unless you let people love you?

The truth is that no matter how successful and rich and beautiful you are, you can't repair your own Mercedes without mechanic, you cannot fix the wires so that the beautiful chandelier lights up, you cannot treat yourself when you are sick, you cannot clean up the entire mansion all day every day. Independence doesn't mean you don't let people help you. It means to be capable enough to help yourself when people don't. And if you won't love someone, how can you ever see the everglow?

Oh, they say people come, say people go
This particular diamond was extra special
And though you might be gone, and the world may not know
Still I see you, celestial 

But when I’m cold, cold
When I’m cold, cold
There’s a light that you give me when I’m in shadow
There’s a feeling you give me, everglow

就算这全世界塌了下来 。。。。。。。。。。我还是会为你撑起这片蓝天。

2:30 AM

5 January 2018

People in my career mostly had High IQ and very low EQ, but I wasn't exactly like this. I had way higher EQ, and sometimes I kinda hate it. Is it something gotta do with me being more of a right brain person than left brain? I don't know. As I grew older, I feel more, empathize more, and I get a lil' more emotional. It's maybe a good thing to a certain extend, but for career wise, it's better to be emotionless, being more aggressive and more ego-y as what training school taught me to be for the past few years. Ego perhaps is something I'm a lil' lacking of. People asked me why am I always being nice. That's my character. I treat people the same way and respect as how I wished to be treated. 我知道一无所有是什么感觉, so it's worth it to see that I made someone else's day when I see that smile on their face, in return it made my day too. It maybe sounded dumb to some of you but yeah being happy is just pretty simple.

Anyway, I took days to think through things properly and have decided to pen this down today since I may not ever have the chance to have a heart to heart talk and share my honest thoughts. You might not ever wanna share with me anything about your past life 😟. At least it makes me feel a little better to just pen it down no matter whether he will ever have the chance to see this post.

Nobody I could share this with. I usually share my problems with some of my close girl friends and you, because all of them were pretty good listeners, not so judgy, I feel comfortable talking and I trusted them. But for this first time, I just couldn't, not to a person especially when the person is the issue. I can't even share my problem with any of my girlfriends even my bff because the topic is too sensitive and it is also to protect individual privacy sake. It isn't easy to share with anyone because not anyone can look at things the same way. Therefore I have no choice but to rant it in my blog for it's suffocating to bottle it up and pretend to be ok.

I totally understand and would never blame you for why you didn't wanna open up to me because it is just so not easy after I managed to piece up the puzzle. It's nerve wracking, takes courage and I understand the fear of people leaving you. A lot of people in this world judges even before trying to understand. But that's ok. This is your life, not everyone needs to understand it. Even for me, I stopped explaining myself so much when I realized people only understand from their level of perception.

You were maybe right. Life is kinda complicated, I have to take back my word on what I said about "life is never too complicated and humans were the only one who made it so complicated."
Well I guess, perhaps it's only to a certain extend.

I wanna say sorry.
Sorry if my words ever accidentally hurt your feelings in some ways which I may not realize.
I shouldn't pressurize you to share things if you weren't uncomfortable with. I'm not usually like this but perhaps I'm like this for once because I valued him yet due to the trust issues I had in the past that I'm afraid you might just be another terrible someone that is hiding things.

I thought I would never trust anyone again but when we crossed paths and after being around and trying to understanding this friend better, I decided to start gaining trust again thinking that my 6th sense tells me that you are a decent nice person, so maybe there's someone I could actually trust again after all.
That's why when you started acting all weird and mysterious about yourself, I was confused. My fear started to creep in thinking that maybe I was wrong after all, I don't know what is it you were hiding from me, I'm afraid I will have the same nightmare all over again like 4 years ago, therefore I kept trying to ask him what is it that you wouldn't wanna share, because I believe no matter a true friendship or relationship, sharing and communication is very important key to keep things going, so I got kinda upset that what was it that I couldn't gain your trust in. I didn't wanna let myself thinking about it day and night and affect my career performance so therefore I was hoping you could share your problems with me so that I can be of ease and not worry so much. But I was wrong, I shouldn't have done that, I should still trust him for who he is. I'm sorry.

Nobody is perfect. We are all broken individuals. The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. You are who you are now, not the past. To me, that will never ever changed one bit I hope you knows one day. Everything happens for a reason. We don’t meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our paths for a reason, for a purpose. Some will test you, some will use you, some will love you, some will teach you. The ones who are truly important to you are the ones who brings out the best in you, respect you and accept you for who you are. You, are definitely important to me. It kills me a little to think that one day you might even leave. But again, even if you weren't meant to stay, I'm still happy and blessed that the universe allowed your soul to stop by.

The past is the past. What matters is the present and the future. This might sound socheesy but I have to say no matter what happens, even if the storm makes the whole city turned upside down, even if the whole world is kidnapped by loneliness, or whether the sky is gonna fall apart one day, I wouldn't leave you alone to face it, even if just for sake as a friend.

For now, all I wished for you is to be happy.
Why did you assumed that I will leave and back off like other people upon knowing the situation? 😢 I'm never that kind of person.

To you: Everything will be ok. Even if it's not now, it will eventually be ok.
You have always been there for me through my darkest days, I hope you allows me to be there for you too, through storm or shine.

travel

Merry Christmas :)

8:30 PM

 25 DEC 2017


Few years ago, I had a pretty sad encounter that every Christmas I just don't wish to be reminded of it. I used to love Christmas when I was young. It's like a tradition even though I ain't a Christian. My childhood days were lovely. Every year I would have snow fights with friends, built snowman at my balcony, snowboarding, skiing in mountains, Christmas Carols, dinners and gatherings etc. Very simple yet heartwarming and wonderful memories.
Back to my motherland, I've kinda stopped celebrating because Asians don't really celebrate it and the Christmasy feel isn't really there. But being in aviation few years ago made Christmas slightly more meaningful because I have been flying my passengers every Christmas Eve or Christmas, getting them back home in time for their reunion with their loved ones for Christmas.

Anyway, I thought I wouldn't be really doing anything much this winter but thank you to an amazing friend that made this year's Christmas lovely again. 🎄🎅

4:30 PM

15 Nov 2017

 

Officially sold my first painting! *self pat for the hard work and sleepless nights*  
Friend requested me to do a painting, for his friend's wedding gift. So now it's hung in her new house's living room wall (as above photo) & they sent a thank you message to me earlier on :)

ps: I think I won't sell anymore in future. Too tiring for the eyes and too much time needed for a low cost. Still gonna treat it as hobby though. haha

travel

10:39 PM

14 JUL 2017

Some of my friends might know that I have been having digestive issues, I had diarrhea almost EVERYDAY for 365 days, 反正几乎就是吃什么 next 1-2hours later 就泻什么, and I can have diarrhea up to 3 times day. There's not really a day I had a normal shit, HAHA damn this description gets a little shitty, I apologize if any of you are having meal at this moment lol.

I went on scaring myself that maybe there's something in my intestines or whatever that caused all these indigestion problem, but girl friend said most likely I'm having IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), maybe due to food sensitivities or due to stress / anxiety / depression, which might be quite true as I'm always in a stress environment, dealing with career, studies and domestic issues.

Another issue for the past many years was, I think I can't take too much caffeine, if I drank coffee before eating anything / too much coffee/ coffee that contains too much caffeine/ coffee that contains too much milk or cold coffee, I might feel nausea the next moment, giddy, heartbeats getting faster, cold sweat and maybe even start to tremble. Therefore the reason why I seldom drink coffee or tea that has too much caffeine. I think mom has this problem too. To the extend I even once tried and compared almost every brand of coffee I see in supermarket, just to taste which is nicer and which doesn't have the bad caffeine effect on me / mom, and then I will avoid buying those brands which are bad..

Anyway, yeah ever since I arrived here last month till now, maybe due to feeling less stressed out, surprisingly I DID NOT HAVE AN SINGLE DAY OF DIARRHEA after meals! HURRAY!! and I also had (Cold/ Hot/ with or without milk) Decaf coffee almost daily, seems like no issue too. Haha very happy. Decaf coffee tasted pretty good too, Singapore should sell more decaf ones. 😄😄

----------

Nothing much interesting going on recent week, and since I do not have a car at the moment, it is kind of difficult to travel around to explore places, so I spent half of my free time in the kitchen cooking, baking, and experimenting new dishes. Haha I don't know why some people find it a chore but I think it is quite fun. Cooking/ baking/ plating is an art. Plus, it feels nice to share food together with other people too.
Good food = happy tummy = happy days.

Chicken Stew


This one anyhow cook. HAHA
 Kung Bao fried noodles with prawn, sides are fish fingers and lava egg.


 Chicken ham, tomatoes, onions in French bread, drizzled with Honey Dijon Mustard.


 ABC soup, Stir fry minced pork with french beans.



凉拌黄瓜



Fish Fillet, in HK style sauce.



Googled and found the one and only Asian supermarket in town, so Danny and I went to check it out.
It was like 30mins drive from my house.

This is own by a Korean family.
Not a big one, maybe just the size of a 5 room flat, but it has half of the essential asian groceries. A little pricey for half of the items but I guess there's not much of a choice as there isn't a chinatown here and since its like the only asian supermarket in town, the price had to be marked up a little, and we just have to deal with it. 
Mostly selling Thai/ Korean/Vietnam spices, sauces, rice, noodles and vegetables etc, so it is good enough if any Asians are on craving. Just no Garlic chili! WHY?! Lol 😅


A varieties of canned food, tea and spices.


The one and only curry powder brand I found in the shop.. 
Not sure if it is nice, will cook it soon. $6USD ugh


Mee Soto has always been my comfort food. I especially liked the Mee Soto sold at the malay stall back at my home based airport Terminal 3's food court.
Will cook and see if the soup base is authentic.


$$2USD for a bag of beansprouts -_-
Bought it once, just for fun, might take awhile to finish this.
Apparently, angmo's doesn't know what are beansprouts lol


Herbal mix for chicken soup


So yeah I bought some dried soba noodles and stir fried them since I do not know where to buy those soba sauce and do not know how to make them from scratch.
Yummy nonetheless! I put Sesame oil, soy sauce, pepper, sugar. and that's it.


Bought lup Cheong and dried chinese mushrooms from the Asian supermarket too!
 So of course I had to cook some Claypot rice (without a claypot) hahaha.



And lastly, tried cooking the mee soto with the paste I've bought.
It tasted alright but the soup isn't authentic and a tad salty. I guess nothing beats ingredients made from scratch for a soup base.



Till then!